Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Like my Mother + a Letter to God

My mother has always been a strong woman, throughout her life before me and always before mine. She's has been knocked down on her feet many times in life, but stood up each and every time. Losing her mother at a young age, getting pregnant and then married just 5 months later, dealing with me as a teenager and my fathers anger. Ups and downs pass through her life consistently. She is a woman of prayer and I know that God watches out for her, but beyond that I believe she overcomes by her brutal strength. I look at her now, more than I ever have before as a role model. Now that I am a mother, I see and feel what she has gone through. Difficult days that make you feel as if you are about to drown and those good days that make you feel as if to burst you are so happy then everyday in between.

I use to say that I would never be like my mother (as a teenager), because in my mind I had it all figured out. I was a free spirit and did not want to be held down, or protected. I was lost during this time in my life and drifted far away from family, friends and all who loved me. Now that years have passed, and family and friends are most dear too me, I see just how much I am like my mother and my only hope now is that I can take on her strength.

Like my mother, I am a stay at home mother. Like my mother I was planning my wedding and found out I was pregnant a few months before the "big day". Like my mother I have passion for all things crafty. Like my mother I HAVE passion for to many things. Like my mother, I am a perfectionist and take on more than I can handle. I am this, and so much more...Like my mother.

I am proud to be this, what I am. I am proud that I am like her. And today after having a difficult morning I found myself praying for her strength or at least what strength God will give me.

Dear God, (Yes I start my prayers like a letter)

I am in pain right now father, and need to overcome this feeling of letting the people in my life down. I need more time (though since that is not an option) I am asking for strength to get through each day and striving very hard to give all my time to family and school. I want to be there for my children when they need me to cuddle, to play and not just the bare essentials. I want to  be there for my husband when he feels I am not providing enough time for him. Allow me the ability to put down the books and the cell phone so I can give him what he craves. There are far worse things that I could be complaining about and I am thankful to you for my wonderful life and the love I receive from my family. Please help me Lord, to give them more of myself. Please Lord, give me the strength that I crave.

Love your daughter,


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