Emotional Battle Fields {Race Day}

I ran a 17k {exactly 7.42 miles} yesterday! I did it and am so proud of myself! It was the longest I have ran since I was a young wipper snapper {18}. Race day caused several emotions to surface. It was an emotional battle field in my mind all day long.




Let me tell you first off I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep and tossed and turned all night long. When I got up and snuck out of the house at 6am, I was still stomaching nerves which now followed with excitement. As the hour approached and I was meeting all my race buddies {Team Rocklin Crunch Fitness}, I was battling embarrassment because these gorgeous women were all much thinner and looked like they were better runners than I . I overheard chatting about running 7-9 minute mile runs while I stood quiet all the while knowing I was running a 10-11 minute mile runs. I knew then, they would be running lapse around me. When we all lined up at the start line, there were so many people {over 600 runners running the 12k}. As the race started and I hit the first 1 mile marker, all I could think about were the kids, grandparents and new mothers that were passing me over and over again. My internal competitiveness was taking over and I wanted to go faster but I knew that I wouldn't finish if I tired myself out. It wasn't until mile 4 that I finally overcame my depression of being a slow runner. It was then that I finally got into a grove and ran only to finish and to NOT stop. Up hills and down hills, past beautiful homes and cheering spectators I did run. Some funny things happened, like an 8 year old ran with me the whole time passing me at the end and one runner stopped at a garage sale to buy a bike {haha}. When I saw the 6 mile marker, I was in near tears because I had not run this far in years, and when I finally saw that 7 mile marker I was overwhelmed with excitement that it was  almost  over. My husband joked earlier that he could run 7 miles {ha yeah right} but that last .42 miles would kill him. He was sure right about that. It felt like forever. As I approached the balloons and all the shouting and cheering people, I wanted so bad to be able to sprint my way to the end but I was so tired. I tried to sprint but settled with just running as fast as I could. When I finally passed that magic finish line, I raised my hands in the air {just like Rocky would have}. It was over. I DID IT! This time, I won the battle field and it felt so good. I knew I wanted more. I wanted that feeling again. I felt invisible. Despite the emotions that overtook my mind, I want to know again that I can move mountains {because that is what it felt like}. If I could do this, I can definitely get through school, keep my kids alive.



Now when I came home, I was unbelievably tired. In 10 minutes I passed out and slept for 3 hours {I couldn't even help it}. I felt so old. Later that day, I felt so good {such a runners high} I decided to take the kids to the park {a 3 mile walk}.

Today I am Rickity Cricket. I feel like the rusted tin man. I am so so sore, though I can't wait to get back out on that road. That pavement that has become my friend. I will train hard. I will train longer and I will get to feel those race day feeling all over again.

Here are some more pictures of the race.